Man, if last week was Blood Week, then this is ugh week.

Okay, look, I’m sorry, come back. It’s been a long week over here at ASimSports HQ and this edition will be quicker than usual. Bowl prediction season is coming up soon, and they will debut either next week or the week after depending on how much time I have.

As usual, all times Eastern and all predictions wrong.

Noon:

• Oklahoma @ Texas Christian (ABC): The Sooners figure to be able to bounce back against a TCU team that looks kind of mediocre at this point.
• Michigan @ Michigan State (FOX): No one should watch that game, which means… everyone is going to be watching to see what wacky thing goes down in this game. Are the conditions going to be right? Let’s check the forecast for kickoff: 49°F, rain, wind 13mph out of the WNW. Then consider the line is Michigan by 7.5. Take Sparty and the under if you’re putting on this, but I have Michigan straight up, allowing Harbaugh to get to 2-2 against Michigan State.
• Auburn @ Mississippi (ESPN): Auburn still has a decent defense, but their ability to score points is under some doubt. Ole Miss, of course, has the opposite problem. What will happen when they meet? Who knows, but I have Auburn.
• Maryland @ Iowa (ESPN2): I think I have Iowa here.
• Illinois @ Wisconsin (FS1): Badgers.
• Cincinnati @ Temple (ESPNU): Hey, maybe watch this instead! The continuing quest to see who will finish behind UCF in the AAC continues, but Cincy is sneakily undefeated! I mean, it’s because they pretty much haven’t played anyone, but still. I’ll take them to remain so in their first true test.
• Tulsa @ Arkansas (SEC): Arkansas?
• Northwestern @ Rutgers (BTN): I’ve run out of things to say about Rutgers. They will somehow top themselves and go down as the worst major conference team in history.
• Miami @ Army (CBSS): Army appears to be… good? Yeah, I know.

12:20: North Carolina @ Syracuse (Raycom): ‘Cuse.

12:30: Virginia @ Duke (ACC/RSN): I don’t think Duke is good, I just think we might be terrible. I still like them better than Virginia.

3:30:

• Colorado @ Washington (FOX): Huh, are the Buffs still undefeated? Oh, they lost to USC last weekend, that makes sense. Okay, good, because they’re probably about to get pummeled by a mad UDub team.
• Pennsylvania State @ Indiana (ABC): After facing two good defenses, the Hoosiers will be a welcome sight for the Nittany Lions.
• Alabama @ Tennessee (CBS): It is very definitely the Third Saturday in October. However, all you need to know about this Alabama team is that their fans are stressing because they might have to start their backup quarterback. Which, in fairness, is a worry for many teams. But most teams don’t have a quarterback that has won a national championship as their backup, and most teams haven’t been so efficient this season that Jalen Hurts, said backup, has compiled the following stat line as he has played in every game: 37 for 50 passing (74%) for 568 yards (11.36 yards per attempt), 5 TD, 1 INT. This is dumb and everything is pointless.
• North Carolina State @ Clemson (ESPN): “NC State is good this year”, I say. “Who have they played?” you say. Yeah, I’ll take Clemson here.
• Wake Forest @ Florida State (ESPN2): Let’s see, this Wake team is fresh off losing 63-3 to Clemson. FSU just suffered an emotional 28-27 loss to Miami. Which, in fairness, Miami looked like the better team throughout, but still. So this could go several ways, but let’s revel like the heathen kings of old (by which I mean, 10 years ago) and go with Wake.
• Kansas @ Texas Tech (FS1): Kansas: not as bad as Rutgers! Someone should make that a t-shirt. Anyway, Red Raiders all the way here.
• Southern Methodist @ Tulane (ESPNU): A battle of 2-4 teams on an ESPN. Yeah, it’s a week with a lot of byes, all right. Going purely with helmet designs as a measure of quality, I’m going with Tulane.
• Minnesota @ Nebraska (BTN): The Big Ten’s two most hyped coaching hires of the past two seasons face-off with a combined record of 3-9. Oof. But what the heck, I’ll take the Huskers to get on the board. Happy Scott Frost Day, oh, and if you’re feeling chair-itable, then head this way.
• Houston @ Navy (CBSS): While Army is on an upswing this year, Navy isn’t. Going with Houston.

4:00:

• Memphis @ Missouri (SEC): After Bama gets up 35-0 on the Vols after the first quarter, switch to the SEC network and see if Mizzou can hold on against Memphis. My bet is that they probably can, but it figures to be more interesting, at least.
• California @ Oregon State (Pac12): Oregon State is such a nonentity to me right now that I can’t even conceive of what I might say about them, so let’s do at least a tad of research… ah, they’re 1-5 with nary a FBS win. A crappy Arizona team beat them 35-14. Yeah, I’ll take Cal.

7:00:

• Mississippi State @ Louisiana State (ESPN): LSU, just get through this and please only go into that game against Alabama with just 1-loss and secure that 8:00 PM CBS double-header slot. You may be our only hope.
• Central Florida @ East Carolina (ESPN2): UCF.
• Connecticut @ South Florida (CBSS): USF.

7:30:

• Oregon @ Washington State (FOX): You’ve heard about the Gameday thing. You know that Pullman is kind of a weird place anyway, and this time of year it’ll be plenty dark by 7:30. For as potentially boring as all the early games may be today, this one may be completely bonkers and worth it. I have to take Wazzu here.
• Ohio State @ Purdue (ABC): Buckeyes.
• Fresno State @ New Mexico (ESPNU): Fresno.
• Vanderbilt @ Kentucky (SEC): Kentucky?
• North Texas @ Alabama-Birmingham (beIN): Go Blazers.

8:00: Southern California @ Utah (Pac12): If no one has done it already, I should register isuscbackornot.com because, well, I think they might be back?

10:30:

• Arizona @ California-Los Angeles (ESPN2): Hopefully that Oregon-Wazzu game lives up to the billing, because this is all we’ve got for #Pac12AfterDark this week and just, ugh. UCLA I guess?
• San Jose State @ San Diego State (CBSS): Aztecs.