As usual, all times Eastern and all predictions wrong.

Thursday
6:00: North Carolina @ South Carolina (ESPN): Aaaand we’re back! It’s the first game of the college football season, and it can’t get here soon enough. In the battle of the Carolinas, though, I expect the southern one to prevail.

7:00:

• Tulsa @ Bowling Green (ESPNU): Tulsa will probably win, but it has plenty of potential to be more exciting than…
• Nevada-Las Vegas @ Minnesota (BTN): Minnesota should win.

8:00: Utah State @ Utah (FS1): Both of these teams have made strives in recent years, but the level at which those strides are taking place vastly differs. Utes should roll.

9:15: Mississippi @ Vanderbilt (ESPN): It’s Week 1 ESS-EEE-CEE football. Vandy has 3 straight wins in this series (and 6 of the last 8), and I’d probably expect them to get another.

10:30: Rutgers @ Fresno State (ESPNU): I’m not required to have an opinion on this game, right? Huh. Well, apparently I am. Let’s go with Fresno just for the hell of it.

11:00: Southern California @ Hawaii (CBSS): Okay, now this is really the last time that I can say the last time the Trojans played a game they lost to Georgia Tech in the Sun Bowl. I’m going to miss that. Also despite not apparently having a quarterback, they should win this one.

Friday
8:00:

• Texas Tech @ Southern Methodist (ESPN): A potentially fun in-state showdown, but still a likely Texas Tech win.
• Florida Atlantic @ Miami (ESPNU): I’ll be employing the “Miami context clue” gimmick this year. But in this case, does it really matter which one? Either would probably win.
• Western Michigan @ Michigan State (BTN): Well, it’ll be a useful tuneup for Sparty, I guess. (Editor’s note: there are other games Friday, on major networks even, but our general policy is only to list games between two FBS teams, with limited exceptions.)

Saturday
Noon:

• Buffalo @ Ohio State (ESPN2): And finally, the first proper football Saturday of the year. Just think Ohio State, you’d probably be a shoe-in title game pick if you’d scheduled a proper team here.
• Villanova @ Boston College (ESPNEWS): Included entirely because ESPNEWS is apparently showing live football games now.
• Purdue @ Cincinnati (ESPNU): Two things: Cincy still has a player named “Munchie Legaux”, and they’ll probably win.
• Massachusetts @ Wisconsin (BTN): Remember, the BTN game in this timeslot is usually regional and it’s not always obvious which one will get shown nationally. That said, the other one involves a FCS team, so I get to actually say Wisconsin will probably win.
• Toledo @ Florida (SEC): Maybe it’s just because I follow edsbs on Twitter, but Florida’s offense this year may have more in common with rocket explosions than the Toledo Rockets. But that said, it’s still Toledo, and the Gators will roll.

12:30:

• Louisiana Tech @ North Carolina State (ACC): For a second I thought the first team said “LSU” but then I saw that this was on the ACC syndication package, so yeah, probably not. That said, this one is debatable. Oh, right, Louisiana Tech hired Skip Holtz and will probably be less explosive on offense. Yeah, that bodes well for the Wolfpack.
• Florida International @ Maryland (ACC): I had forgotten about this until this tweet, and it got me scratching my head all over again.
  

  It’s game week and I’m still half waiting to hear FIU say firing Mario Cristobal was some kind of longform performance art prank
  — Holly Anderson (@HollyAnderson) August 26, 2013

  I think karma dictates that Maryland wins.

1:00: Rice @ Texas Agricultural and Mechanical (ESPN): Rice could well be very good this year. It won’t matter against TAMU.

3:30:

• Temple @ Notre Dame (NBC): [checks “is Temple still bad?” watch] Hrm, yep, yeah, I never said the first weekend of the season was going to be filled with thrills. You’re just supposed to be happy real football is back.
• Syracuse vs. Pennsylvania State (@East Rutherford, NJ; ABC/ESPN2): Penn State mostly surprised everyone last year by not being as awful as everyone though. Same with the ‘Cuse. Of course, the primary difference is that one of these teams isn’t on a set of scholarship restrictions which generally hurt later more than they do now. That said, Penn State may well still be good enough to eke out a win here.
• Mississippi State vs. Oklahoma State (@Houston, TX; ABC/ESPN2): Mississippi State had the rare distinction of being a “middle tier” SEC team last year. That said, it’s hard to see them keeping up with the Cowboys.
• Brigham Young @ Virginia (ESPNU): Boy howdy Virginia probably isn’t very good this year. I’ll go with the Stormin’ Mormons in this one.
• Central Michigan @ Michigan (BTN): Victors will, perhaps, be hailed after this one.

4:00: Louisiana-Lafayette @ Arkansas (SEC): UL-Lafayette will probably be pretty good this year, well, for a Sun Belt team. Razorbacks roll.

5:30: Virginia Tech vs. Alabama (@Atlanta, GA; ESPN): Well, short of the bus (does Alabama even take a bus to any game?) breaking down on I-20, things don’t look very good for the Hokies. Maybe Alabama will forget to pack some cleats? Maybe both the first and second teams accidentally take the wrong exit on the Connector? Maybe Saban decides to go off the rails and installs a read option offense in the middle of the second quarter while still using AJ McCarron at quarterback? I guess what I’m trying to say is good luck VPI, you’re probably going to need it.

7:00:

• Kentucky vs. Western Kentucky (@Nashville, TN; ESPNEWS): More ESPNEWS games! Will wonders ever cease? Yeah, probably, since Kentucky will still win this game in the most mediocre fashion possible.
• Washington State @ Auburn (ESPNU): This game has the potential to be the best game of the day featuring two teams who won 6 games last year. That is, 6 games combined. Also, there is the potential for lots of points, but since Wazzou has had an extra year to get acquainted with the ideas of “playing offense” and “scoring points” I’ll have to favor them.
• Miami @ Marshall (CBSS): I like Marshall slightly in this one, but I’m not sure why.

8:00:

• Georgia @ Clemson (ABC): This is the real game of the day. I hope to catch at least some of this, despite being otherwise totally preoccupied this weekend. What will carry the day? Georgia sports an inexperienced defense, but returns a bunch of excellent players on offense. So does Clemson, though, and remember that their last win was a thrilling victory over LSU in the Chick-fil-a Bowl. On a different forum, I went with Georgia, and I’m going to stick to my guns, but I can really see this going either way.
• Wyoming @ Nebraska (BTN): It’s too bad that in football the road team traditionally wears lighter colors, because I find it hard to resist Wyoming’s ugly brown uniforms. Alas. Oh, and yeah, Nebraska wins.

9:00: Louisiana State vs. Texas Christian (@Arlington, TX; ESPN): This is the second most interesting game of the day. TCU has done well so far in the Big 12, but can they go toe-to-toe against one of the SEC’s powerhouses? Of course, most any coach will have a schematic advantage against the Hat, but I suspect that once again the Bayou Bengal’s immense pool of talent will eke out the win.

10:00:

• Boise State @ Washington (FS1): As stated earlier, I’m really looking forward to seeing confused Idahoans in downtown Seattle on Saturday. That said, they should be happy Idahoans, as I think they’ll get the win.
• Nevada @ California-Los Angeles (PAC12): Well, the only upside of not being a DirecTV customer anymore is that I do get the Pac-12 channels. So, yeah, if anything I’ve read about UCLA this offseason is true, they’ll probably win.

10:30: Northwestern @ California (ESPN2): I guess we’ll find out pretty quickly if Cal made the right move firing Tedford. Still going with NU though.

Sunday
3:30: Ohio @ Louisville (ESPN): How good is Teddy Bridgewater? I would say we’ll find out, but mostly this game will just ensure he’s not, like, really awful.

6:00: Colorado vs. Colorado State (@Denver, CO; CBSS): Here’s a rivalry game for your troubles. Unfortunately, there’s been a lot of trouble in Colorado football as of late, as both these teams were pretty not-good last year. But then again, both of them should be slightly better this year, which is bad news for the Buffs since they lost and all. And it’s quite tempting to pick them to lose again.

Monday
8:00: Florida State @ Pittsburgh (ESPN): Crazy fact: Pitt has a coach coming back for a sophomore season for the first time since 2006. Will that help them against Florida State? Well… probably not.

Hopefully things will be more informative next week. Until then, enjoy the weekend!

As usual, all times Eastern and all predictions wrong.

Thursday
7:30: Louisville @ Rutgers (ESPN): I’ve given up on predicting the Big East at this point seeing as how both these teams managed to lose last weekend. And don’t even get me started on picking Louisville over UConn for ACC expansion. Anyway, the quick fire prediction here is Louisville.

Friday
7:00: Northern Illinois vs. Kent State (MAC Championship @ Detroit, MI; ESPN2): It’s exceedingly possible this game will be much more compelling than the Pac-12 championship. On one side, NIU has one of the most dynamic quarterback and wide receiver duos in the country, while with a win the Golden Flashes’s first bowl game since 1972 could end up being the Orange Bowl. However, I actually like the Huskies better. While both have top-10 rushing offenses, NIU has a more credible passing game (see above) and a slightly better defense.

8:00: California-Los Angeles @ Stanford (Pac-12 Championship; FOX): The idea that UCLA purposely threw last week’s regular season game against Stanford so they could play Stanford again is ludicrous, mostly because the idea anyone actually wants to play the Cardinal twice in two weeks is the same. (As EDSBS put it, playing Stanford is like “being bludgeoned with a sack of sledgehammers”.) Anyway, the idea that UCLA will succeed this time is not ludicrous, but still highly unlikely.

Saturday
Noon:

• Oklahoma State @ Baylor (FX): Both teams played overtime games this past weekend, though I think most would agree Oklahoma is better than Texas Tech. Expect plenty of points, also, take a drink every time the Baylor defense makes a stop and the announcers insinuate they’re not as bad as the statistics show. (I suspect that’s not really a very good drinking game since it won’t result in you taking a lot of drinks, so maybe make it a shot or something.) Also the Cowboys should win.
• Oklahoma @ Texas Christian (ESPN): TCU had a great win last Thanksgiving, but I think it’s been thoroughly demonstrated by now that the Sooners have it slightly more together on offense.
• Central Florida @ Tulsa (Conference USA Championship; ESPN2): Okay, so based on what I said about UCLA-Stanford I guess I have to pick Tulsa again here, but on the flip side UCF is pretty much banking on this season being awesome. Or they should be, because by delaying their bowl ban via an appeal I’m pretty sure the NCAA will bring the hammer down on them. So I’m somewhat irrationally going with the Golden Knights here.

2:30: Kansas @ West Virginia (FSN): Despite how awful they’ve been this year, no one has yet scored 60 on KU. That may change. Also the Jayhawk offense is so bad that WVU doesn’t even have to worry about how terrible their defense is.

3:30:

• Boise State @ Nevada (ABC): I’m a little surprised this game is on ABC. Anyway, the Broncos will probably win but I think Nevada is good enough to make a game of it.
• Cincinnati @ Connecticut (ABC): Not that it means much in the Big East, but Cincy should win this one.

4:00: Georgia vs. Alabama (SEC Championship @ Atlanta, GA; CBS): Despite watching my team lose to them by 32 last weekend, I still think UGA is overrated: their second best win all year is over Vanderbilt (or maybe Mississippi State, but they went and lost to Ole Miss, so…). Granted, Vandy is 8-4, but still. I’ll concede this year’s Alabama isn’t as good as last year’s, but I think they have a good enough defense to stop UGA and a good enough offense to overcome them.

7:00: Pittsburgh @ South Florida (ESPN2): This sure is a football game that will be televised and everything. Pitt probably becomes bowl eligible.

8:00:

• Wisconsin vs. Nebraska (Big Ten Championship @ Indianapolis, IN; FOX): Much to Nebraska’s relief, there will not be a 30 mile per hour wind inside of Lucas Oil Stadium this weekend. The Cornhuskers only won by three back in September, but that was then, and this is now.
• Texas @ Kansas State (ABC): K-State has had a week to think about their shocking loss to Baylor. Nonetheless, their is still a chance to clinch a bid to the Fiesta Bowl for one of the best seasons in school history here, and I think they’ll get it.
• Florida State vs. Georgia Tech (ACC Championship @ Charlotte, NC; ESPN): Where do you even begin? While no one expected GT to win last weekend, a fair number of reasonable people expected the Seminoles to expose the Florida once and for all. For a little while in the 3rd quarter, it looked like it was going to happen. Everything was going wrong for UF, including a freak bobble on a handoff that literally fell right into the arms of a FSU defensive end who ran it in for a touchdown. And then everything went wrong for FSU, to the tune of 24 straight points for the Gators and the win.
  Tech last played the Seminoles in 2008 and 2009, after the original bout of ACC realignment put them in separate divisions. As previously detailed here, Tech managed to win both of those games. Of course, those Tech teams were better, and those FSU teams worse than the current editions.
  Everything that could have gone wrong for Tech last weekend did, just about. Despite racking up 306 yards rushing against one of the nation’s top rushing defenses, we only scored one touchdown. The tone of the game was set on Tech’s first drive, as UGA’s first drive proved it was going to be a game where Tech needed to score on all of their drives to have a shot. At the end of a 10 play, 83 yard march down the field that started at our own 15, Robert Godhigh had the ball stripped as he was trying to go in for the tying touchdown at the UGA 1 yard line. Tech kicked a field goal the next time it got the ball to make it 14-3, but then the next three possessions of the first half ended on a turnover on downs, an interception, and a missed field goal.
  The keys for this game, and a shot at creating the most absurd BCS bowl game ever, lie in the same keys any team has in seeking to pull of an upset. Don’t turn the ball over and capitalize when they do. Basically, if any football cliche applicable to this situation, GT needs to adhere to it.