As usual, all times Eastern and all predictions wrong.

Noon:

• Maryland @ West Virginia (FX): One of these teams is awful. The other isn’t. I’ll get you guess which is which.
• Virginia @ Texas Christian (ESPN): I can pretty comfortably say at this point that UVA is not that good this year. TCU should win easily.
• Texas-El Paso @ Wisconsin (ESPN2): Wisconsin has had some problems this year. Okay, a lot of problems. Like almost losing to Utah State. But problems enough to lose to UTEP? No, probably not.
• Bowling Green @ Virginia Tech (ESPNU): Dear Virginia Tech: how in the hell did you lose to Pitt? No, seriously, what the hell? I’m angry about this and I’m even a VPI fan because it makes me angry all over again about our game being in week one. Argh. Whatever, they should probably be able to beat a team from the MAC.
• Mississippi @ Tulane (FSN): Don’t look, but Tulane is really awful. But hey, there’s probably plenty of Ole Miss fans down in New Orleans to help fill the Superdome.
• Alabama-Birmingham @ Ohio State (BTN): Just… why? If you get satellite watch the other Big Ten Network game, Central Michigan @ Iowa. Er, well, maybe just watch something else entirely.
• Kentucky @ Florida (SEC): Florida looks almost kind of good? I still don’t trust them. Well, I’ll trust them to the extent that I think they’ll beat Kentucky, at least.

12:30: Army @ Wake Forest (ACC): Hey, if they’re on TV, I list ’em. That’s how things work around here. Wake wins.

3:00: Miami @ Georgia Tech (ACC/FSN): I am so confused. Since the 2008 Miami game, wherein we ran roughshod over their defense, Miami has basically owned Tech. But the circumstances of these two teams so far couldn’t be more different. Miami got slaughtered two weeks ago by Kansas State (by the way: Bill Synder is a wizard). GT is, of course, coming of the incineration of UVA (it’s always fun when you can say things like “the final score was 56-20 and it wasn’t even that close”). But nonetheless, “physical superiority cancels all theories” and that is always the worry when lining up against da U’s array of blue chip recruits. So we’ll see.

3:30:

• Missouri @ South Carolina (CBS): Well, we’re about to find a lot more about both these teams. Because speaking of teams I don’t trust, South Carolina may be near the top of the list. I’ll take them over Mizzou, but narrowly, because I don’t think the Tigers are as bad as they looked against UGA, their only meaningful competition to date.
• Temple @ Pennsylvania State (ABC/ESPN2): I’m doing a pick’em over on an Internet forum I frequent and it appears I picked Temple in this game. Uh, hrm. I mean, it’s possible, but still. Go Owls, I guess?
• Oregon State @ California-Los Angeles (ABC/ESPN2): Since their game in week 1 got postponed, the Beavers have literally only played one game this year: their 10-7 (at the time) upset of Wisconsin. UCLA has surprised everyone so far this season basically by not being completely awful, so I expect that trend to continue.
• East Carolina @ North Carolina (ESPNU): When will the bleeding stop for UNC? Is it against the Pirates? I’m guessing yes.
• Virginia Military @ Navy (CBSS): Navy.
• Idaho State @ Nebraska (BTN): Nebraska.

4:00: Colorado @ Washington State (FX): Everyone expected Colorado to be awful. Wazzou, on the other hand, well, I guess we’re getting an idea of what Paul Wulff was working with these past few years because the expected results have not quite materialized for Mike Leach. That said, Colorado is like, really, really bad you guys.

7:00:

• Louisiana State @ Auburn (ESPN): Ah, yes, overtime escapes against Louisiana-Monroe. Yeah, I reckon that clock has just struck midnight for Gene Chizik and he’s starting to turn back into a pumpkin. LSU rolls.
• Rutgers @ Arkansas (ESPNU): 7:00 is apparently the SEC Train Wreck Power Hour, though Arkansas is arguably worse since they’re the ones that lost to UL-Monroe. I actually like Rutgers here.

7:30:

• Kansas State @ Oklahoma (FOX): It bears repeating: Bill Snyder is a wizard. But that said, we really know almost nothing about both these teams, and on paper, I still have to like the Sooners. But that means I won’t enjoy it if the Wizard conjures up another inexplicable victory.
• Michigan @ Notre Dame (NBC): Don’t get me wrong: I am not confusing Notre Dame’s defense with Alabama’s. Nonetheless, they were able to go up to East Lansing and completely shut down Sparty. They should have an advantage at home against a Michigan team that looked shaky in their first two games, one of which was against Air Force.

7:45: Vanderbilt @ Georgia (ESPN2): The only team I like seeing beat UGA more than us is Vandy, simply because UGA had the gall to schedule them for Homecoming in 2006, suffering a defeat for their hubris. (Mmm, hubris.) Unfortunately, for every other year since 1995, Georgia has won, and this a state of affairs I expect to continue.

8:00:

• Clemson @ Florida State (ABC): Neither of these teams have played anyone (yes, Clemson beat Auburn, but that’s looking less impressive by the minute) and sport 3-0 records. So how do you choose? Well, that indicates this game should be good, and this is also the first team FSU’s played that really even has a pulse. I still like the Noles but they might actually end up behind in a game for the first time all season.
• Fresno State @ Tulsa (CBSS): Prediction: points. By whom: both teams. Who has more at the end: probably Tulsa, but this could go either way.
• Syracuse @ Minnesota (BTN): UMN has ridden a schedule of nobodies to 3-0, which is a shot in the arm at least for a program that hasn’t won more than 3 games in 3 years. Then again, I would expect the ‘Cuse to be 3-0 against that schedule as well. So I’ll take the Orange in what’s probably a very minor upset.

10:30:

• Arizona @ Oregon (ESPN): Points. Lots of points. But Oregon is better that game and should prevail in the end.
• Nevada @ Hawaii (NBCS): Nevada seems pretty solid so far this year, while Hawaii did beat a FCS team 54-2. I’ll stick with Nevada here.

Sorry that this was short, curt, and more than a little nonsensical, but well, look at the timestamp. Things have been pretty hectic lately. So until next time!