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Week Seven

Last week, 32 of the 65 AP voters thought USC was the best team in the nation. A 27-24 win at Washington wasn’t enough to shake their confidence. A 23-24 loss to Stanford was. The Cardinal punted six times in the first half and remained scoreless until an intercepted pass by John David Booty (whose name is always referenced in full) was returned for a touchdown. Stanford scored 17 more points in the fourth quarter (including a 4th and goal touchdown pass with 54 seconds remaining in regulation) and snapped a 35 game win streak in the Coliseum. Today, the 32 errant voters finally came to their senses and voted LSU #1.

This is my favorite photo of the season thus far.

Speaking of LSU, the Tigers had quite a scare in Death Valley last night. Florida came into Baton Rouge seething from yet another loss to Auburn’s defense and special teams. Unfortunately, Tebow was not the quarterback savior that the Gator nation needed. The sophomore was 12 of 26 in the air for 158 yards and produced just 67 yards in 16 attempts on the ground. Two second half turnovers gave LSU just enough chances to overcome a ten-point deficit. You have to give some credit to the Tigers, though. Miles’ squad converted five fourth downs, one from the Florida 7 with little over 2:00 left on the clock.

Les Miles may be the angriest coach in the SEC.

On the Plains, I witnessed Auburn’s 35-7 obliteration of Vanderbilt (the Commodore touchdown was against the second string defense). Brandon Cox was 14 of 17 for 165 yards, a touchdown, an interception, and only one sack. Cox even improvised, pitching the ball forward on one play and rolling out of the pocket to throw to the end zone. Tailback Brad Lester returned from academic suspension in full force. He ran 77 yards in 13 carries and was responsible for two Tiger touchdowns. The only disappointment was that kicker Wes Byrum never had the opportunity to display his prowess. Tommy Tuberville notched his 100th win since entering the SEC. (Also, I was able to touch his hand during Tiger Walk. I will never wash mine again.)

Believe it or not, Brad Lester can fly.

In other news, Oklahoma regained composure and inched out a 28-21 win over Texas. #5 Wisconsin was finally exposed as mediocre by Illinois, and #6 South Florida almost fell to Florida Atlantic. (How USF is still ranked in the top ten is a mystery.) North Carolina beat Miami. (Read the previous sentence again if needed.) Ohio State and Penn State took care of business while Michigan struggled against their Eastern counterpart. Notre Dame finally won (thanks to the injury of UCLA’s Ben Olsen). Alabama held off previously 2-2 Houston with an interception in the end zone in the final play of the game. Kentucky’s dreams were shattered as South Carolina prepared for a run at the SEC East title. Tennessee trounced Georgia 35-14.

There isn’t much going on next weekend. There’s more than what is listed below, but I’m too lazy to write any more (all times Eastern):

12 PM, ESPN: Georgia Tech and Miami face off to determine who is the most disappointing team in the ACC.

12 PM: UCF goes to South Florida to potentially end the Bulls’ dreams.

3:30 PM, CBS: LSU goes to Kentucky to begin their destruction of the rest of the SEC. (The Tigers will not lose again after nearly falling to Florida.)

3:30 PM, NBC: #4 Boston College travels to Notre Dame to return the Irish to reality.

3:30 PM, ABC: #19 Wisconsin visits unranked Penn State (those rankings should be reversed).

7:45 PM, ESPN: #22 Auburn goes to Arkansas to see if they are really better or not.

Have fun watching!

I don’t think it is possible to overuse this picture.

Week Six

I could not have picked a worse week to precede with conference winner predictions. Just in case you missed the entire weekend of college football, everything went absolutely crazy. This was the most chaotic Saturday during my tenure as a fan of the sport. Oklahoma and Texas tripped on their way to the Red River Shootout. South Florida solidified their case for legitimacy with a win against Big East-favorite West Virginia. Oregon fumbled away a chance at overtime with Cal, boosting the Bears to a No. 3 ranking.

As embarrassing as those results were for my column, I could not have been more wrong than my prediction for the Florida game. “I sold my ticket to the Swamp when I realized it wouldn’t be much fun to drive six hours to watch us get clobbered” (9/12/07). I told a number of people that their trips to Gainesville were going to be a waste of time. The Auburn Tigers, apparently, thought otherwise.

I should have known that Auburn would pull off the upset. The Tigers are at their best when they are perceived to be at their worst. (I wish Auburn could somehow play as the underdog in every game for the rest of its history, because then Auburn would never lose.) Also, recent history has shown that Auburn is capable of beating Florida without an offense: the Gators are no match for Auburn’s defense and special teams.

In 2001, Auburn placekicking legend Damon Duvall tacked a 40+ yard field goal with ten seconds left onto a pair earlier in the game. That kick defeated Spurrier’s final Gator squad, which was ranked #1 coming into Jordan-Hare Stadium. I was only fifteen when I attended that game, but seeing the students rush the field and tear down the goal posts is one memory I will never forget.

In 2006, Auburn rebounded from a humiliating loss to then-underappreciated Arkansas to defeat the future national champions. John Vaughn, who single handedly lost the 2005 LSU game (for which I will never forgive him), put four of five through the uprights. The defense forced mutliple turnovers, a safety, and converted a blocked punt into a touchdown.

In 2007, offensive coordinator Al Borges replaced quarterback Brandon Cox with a ridiculously efficient robot. Cox was 17 of 26 for 227 yards, connecting on multiple occasions with superstar receiver Rodgriqus Smith. He didn’t throw any touchdowns, but that was due to the utilization of Kodi Burns in the red zone. More importantly, Cox didn’t throw any interceptions, either.

“Wait a second,” you may be asking yourself. “Didn’t you say Auburn beats Florida without offense?” Yes, I did; I guess I exaggerated a little. The Tiger defense held the Gators to only 17 points when they had averaged 49.25 in their first four games. They shut down Tebow three consecutive times inside the goal line.

The difference maker, in my opinion, was special teams. It all began with a Florida penalty: roughing the kicker transformed Auburn’s first drive from a three-and-out to a field-long campaign for the end zone. Early in the second quarter, Auburn blocked a 34 yard field goal attempt. And, of course, freshman kicker Wes Byrum nailed two field goals (three, if you count the first try at the game winner) in the second half to seal the win.

I wish I had a picture of Byrum’s Gator chomp. It was classic.

I’m a little worried about Vanderbilt’s visit to the Plains on Saturday. Just as Auburn is incredible as an underdog, Auburn is sketchy as a favorite and slow in the morning. Three of our last four losses were to unranked opponents and kicked off no later than noon (Arkansas, Georgia, and Mississippi State). However, considering my stupidity in recent times, I’m going to go against what I would normally say and pick Auburn to win by more than two touchdowns.

That reminds of me of the Seinfeld episode where George finds incredible success by rebelling against his instincts. Maybe I should try that on this week’s slate. Would South Carolina over Kentucky (Thursday, 7:30 PM ET, ESPN) be an upset? Certainly Illinois over Wisconsin (Saturday, 12 PM ET, ESPN) would. So would Florida over LSU (8 PM ET, CBS) (thank goodness I’ll get to watch it). Just for kicks, I’ll pick Purdue over Ohio State, Eastern Michigan over Michigan, Florida Atlantic over South Florida, and…Stanford over USC. It’s so crazy that it just might work!

I’m taking college football advice from this guy. It can’t get worse than last week, right?

Week Five

This week’s gonna be a little different. Normally, I would tell you everything I noticed about Saturday’s action and make stupid predictions for the upcoming weekend. Instead, I’m going to fill this space with even more stupid predictions: I’m going to pick the conference and division winners before most teams have even played three conference opponents. Here I go (in alphabetical order)!

ACC: In the Atlantic division, Clemson and Boston College look like the only contenders. Both teams beat NCState by essentially the same score, so it’s hard to say who is better. BC has to travel to Clemson , so I’ll pick the Tigers.

In the Coastal division, Virginia, Virginia Tech, Miami all look like possibilities. (GT has two conference losses already with one to UVA, so they are an unlikely candidate.) None of them look that good. Just to be crazy, I’ll go with Virginia. The Atlantic division champion will win the conference anyway.

Big 12: The conference champion is pretty clear: Oklahoma will run the tables in the South and continue towards this year’s installment of “BCS Conundrum”.

Kansas hasn’t played anyone of consequence yet, but they are the only team in the North to take care of business. I’m going with the Jayhawks here, although Nebraska will probably pull it off. (These predictions are getting more and more ridiculous.) The two face off on November 3.

Big East: Connecticut…ha, just kidding. West Virginia will win the conference unless they lose at South Florida this Friday (8 PM ET, ESPN2). They could slip at Rutgers or Cincinnati, but I doubt it. USF has had an early run of success, but I don’t think it will last.

Big Ten: Dang. This looked reasonably easy until Michigan beat Penn State Saturday 14-9. That throws the whole Big Ten picture out of focus. I’m not sure how Wisconsin is still ranked in the top ten, because they look pitiful. Ohio State has looked a little better, and Michigan State has squeaked by mediocre opponents.

Michigan already beat Penn State, so they look like a safe pick. They should be able to coast until November 3, when they go to East Lansing. Then they host Wisconsin (11/10) and travel to the Horseshoe of Buckeye Stadium (11/17). Lloyd Carr could yet save his job.

C-USA: Southern Mississippi or Central Florida could win the East, while Houston or Tulsa could win the West. I bet Houston will win the whole shebang. Not that it means much.

MAC: Buffalo (Bowling Green) for the East, Central Michigan (Ball State) for the West. Central Michigan overall.

MWC: BYU (UNLV). I’m getting tired of evaluating these second-tier conferences.

Pac-10: I’m gonna go against what I know will happen and pick Oregon. They crushed Michigan and took care of their other opponents to date. You probably expected me to pick USC like the rest of the sports media (is it presumptious to place myself in that company?).

Before you pounce all over me like a bunch of things that pounce, take a look at the Trojans’ schedule. They have to travel to Oregon (10/27), California (11/10), and Arizona State (11/22). They are basically unstoppable in the Coliseum, but they don’t fare so well on the road. The Ducks travel to Washington, Arizona, and UCLA. I don’t see any stumbling blocks among that bunch.

SEC: Despite LSU’s offensive struggles against South Carolina, the West is still fairly clear. The Tiger defense will help Les Miles survive Florida (10/6), Kentucky (10/13), Auburn (10/20), Alabama (11/3), and Arkansas (11/23). (Of course, Auburn and Florida are the only teams that will pose a threat to the Tiger offense.)

In the East, Florida just tripped against Ole Miss. The Gators have to go to LSU (10/6), Kentucky (10/20), and Georgia (10/27) back-to-back-to-back. Then they get a week off (play Vanderbilt) before going to South Carolina (11/10). I guess Kentucky could be a dark horse; Woodson went crazy against Louisville and Arkansas, and the Wildcats have a favorable schedule. My guess is Florida will pull it together, though.

Regardless, LSU will win the conference on their way to their national championship embarrassment of USC (can you tell how much faith I have in my Oregon prediction?).

Sun Belt: Troy posted points against Florida and Arkansas and beat Oklahoma State. If they don’t win this conference, something is wrong. Florida Atlantic is the only other team I could offer. Analyzing the Sun Belt feels like such a waste of time, because it is.

WAC: Hawaii is the clear leader here, but Boise State could pull another “Cinderella” season (a cliche that should not be used outside of March Madness, although I just did that). The rest of this conference is trash. I can’t believe Hawaii gets a ranking out of this.

Well, this has been ridiculously long. See you guys next week!

Week Four

Auburn lost again, this time to perennial SEC underdog Mississippi State. Sadly, this was not an upset, either. There was one bright side to the game: after two interceptions in his first two passes, Brandon Cox was sidelined in favor of Kodi Burns, a true freshman. Here are the players’ stats from Saturday:
Cox, passing: 4/10 for 42 yards and 2 INTs
Cox, rushing: -2 yards on 2 attempts
Burns, passing: 8/12 for 65 yards and 1 INT
Burns, rushing: 87 yards on 22 attempts
Based on those numbers, which one do you think should be Auburn’s starting quarterback? I don’t think Burns is going to fix our problems by himself. I doubt he’s ready for the pressure of high-profile games, either. I do know this: Cox’s play should be regularly supplemented with Burns’.

Congratulations, Brandon Cox! You are no longer the undisputed starting quarterback!

In other news, USC trounced Nebraska 49-31. Somehow this victory was enough to preserve the Trojans’ precious No. 1 ranking in both major polls. Meanwhile, LSU posted a measly 44 points on Middle Tennessee State, in addition to producing another shutout. Outscoring your opponents 137-7 in three games is somehow not good enough for a No. 1 ranking. Then there’s Oklahoma. 184-26? Ridiculous. Of course, the Sooner schedule has been a little easier so far.Florida followed close behind with a 59-20 spanking of Tennessee in Gainesville. LSU at Florida on October 6 (8 PM ET, CBS) is probably going to be the best game of the season (until the rematch at the SEC Championship). I’d be surprised if either team loses its division, barring some kind of miracle in Tuscaloosa. Alabama did beat Arkansas and supposedly looked good doing it. I didn’t watch the game after ‘Bama went up 21-0, because I thought it might send me into a severe depression. An Auburn loss with ‘Bammer and Trojan wins is more than my little heart can bear.

Tebow is so amazing that he can convince opposing teams to carry him into the end zone.

Finally, Michigan is not the worst team in the country. That honor goes to Notre Dame, who has opened 0-3 for the second time in school history. Both teams are poised to lose on national television this Saturday; the Irish host Michigan State (3:30 PM ET, NBC) and the Wolverines host Penn State (3:30 PM ET, ABC). The Nittany Lions have lost the last eight meetings. I know a few PSU fans, so I’m looking forward to the streak’s end.

“It’s not like it matters, anyway. We’re both going to get fired.”

Week Three

I apologize profusely for my tardiness. Schoolwork and girlfriend time got in the way of college football, and I beg forgiveness from all of you.
I think it is now safe to say that ‘Bama is back! After an impressive 52-6 clobbering of Western Carolina (2-9 in I-AA in 2006) and a noteworthy 24-10 shellacking of Vanderbilt (4-8 in I-A in 2006), the Tide is well on its way to an undefeated season and national championship under new head coach Nick “The Bear II” Saban. ‘Bama is about to roll through home games against Arkansas and Georgia before traveling to Jacksonville to take care of Florida State. Daggum!
Ha ha ha…I remember this.
The Pac-10 pulled a likely stunt Saturday when all of the six active teams in the conference won their games. I wish I could chalk it up to weak opponents, but only Washington State’s (San Diego State) was questionable. That and the domination of Tennessee by Cal just eat me up inside.
Surprise, surprise: Auburn is still an awful football team. The loss to South Florida would not have been less embarrassing had it been a win. Tiger tailback Mario Fannin fumbled on consecutive drives in Auburn territory. Receivers dropped passes, and defenders missed tackles. The defense looks slow. When we play a team that can run around the end, game over. The punting and punt coverage were even worse than last week.
My thoughts exactly.
And then there is Brandon Cox, who was so bad that he gets a paragraph all to himself. Cox was 16 of 35 passing with a pair of interceptions and a fumble on a quarterback sneak. (Let that sink in for a second.) He did run for near first down yardage once, but he looked hesitant doing it. Brandon Cox is at least 70% of the reason that Auburn will lose a lot of games this year. Now I know how a Florida State fan has felt in recent years.

Unfortunately, this is not worth any points.

I suppose it could have been worse. South Florida’s placekicker had a Vaughn-esque night, missing three of six attempts with another blocked. Had he made any of those, overtime would have been unnecessary. Speaking of overtime, Tuberville somehow decided that letting the clock run out with two timeouts was a better idea than trying to get downfield and kick a field goal to win. That was a little confusing.

Will Auburn make a bowl game? Who knows. Out of the ten games left, only New Mexico State and Tennessee Tech look like definite wins. Mississippi State, Ole Miss, Vanderbilt, Georgia, and Alabama are question marks. I’m not even going to hope for Florida, Arkansas, or LSU. In fact, I sold my ticket to the Swamp when I realized it wouldn’t be much fun to drive six hours to watch us get clobbered. At least we’re not…

Michigan, who was annihilated 39-7 in the Big House by Oregon. The Ducks made a mockery of Michigan’s secondary, and the Wolverine offense was anemic once more. Perhaps a win over Notre Dame on the 15th will help Lloyd Carr keep his employment hopes alive. It wouldn’t mean much, though; the Irish are 0-2 as well (this is the first time in history that both teams have had such poor starts).

Dear Michigan fans: This guy made your team look like a joke.


LSU looked phenomenal in their signature win over Virginia Tech. 48-7 is almost unbelievable. After a week off against Middle Tennessee State, Les Miles takes on Steve Spurrier. This will be the Tigers’ only test until they host Florida on October 6. Besides Alabama, all of LSU’s toughest games are at home. If there was ever a year to make a championship run, this would be it. Wouldn’t it be great if they had a chance to destroy USC?

Maybe the Gators will trip them up, though. Apparently quarterback Tim Tebow learned how to throw during the summer. He’s 31 of 46 so far, with 536 yards and six touchdowns. My only reservation is the defense, which looked iffy against a Troy squad that put up 31 points. I guess we’ll see what happens against Tennessee this weekend.

You should probably watch TV this weekend, because it is the best one so far. Like I mentioned, Florida hosts Tennessee (3:30 PM ET, CBS), Michigan hosts Notre Dame (3:30 PM ET, ABC), and Arkansas goes to Alabama (6:45 PM ET, ESPN). I think Ohio State at Washington (3:30 PM ET, ESPN) could be a thriller, as could Boston College at Georgia Tech (8 PM ET, ESPN2). Why is GameDay going to USC/Nebraska (8 PM ET, ABC) for the second year in a row? Beats me.

Finally, prepare yourself for another Florida throwdown as the Hurricanes host the Golden Panthers! Pre-fight football game at 3:30 PM ET, then the punches start flying at 7!