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Week Five

This week’s gonna be a little different. Normally, I would tell you everything I noticed about Saturday’s action and make stupid predictions for the upcoming weekend. Instead, I’m going to fill this space with even more stupid predictions: I’m going to pick the conference and division winners before most teams have even played three conference opponents. Here I go (in alphabetical order)!

ACC: In the Atlantic division, Clemson and Boston College look like the only contenders. Both teams beat NCState by essentially the same score, so it’s hard to say who is better. BC has to travel to Clemson , so I’ll pick the Tigers.

In the Coastal division, Virginia, Virginia Tech, Miami all look like possibilities. (GT has two conference losses already with one to UVA, so they are an unlikely candidate.) None of them look that good. Just to be crazy, I’ll go with Virginia. The Atlantic division champion will win the conference anyway.

Big 12: The conference champion is pretty clear: Oklahoma will run the tables in the South and continue towards this year’s installment of “BCS Conundrum”.

Kansas hasn’t played anyone of consequence yet, but they are the only team in the North to take care of business. I’m going with the Jayhawks here, although Nebraska will probably pull it off. (These predictions are getting more and more ridiculous.) The two face off on November 3.

Big East: Connecticut…ha, just kidding. West Virginia will win the conference unless they lose at South Florida this Friday (8 PM ET, ESPN2). They could slip at Rutgers or Cincinnati, but I doubt it. USF has had an early run of success, but I don’t think it will last.

Big Ten: Dang. This looked reasonably easy until Michigan beat Penn State Saturday 14-9. That throws the whole Big Ten picture out of focus. I’m not sure how Wisconsin is still ranked in the top ten, because they look pitiful. Ohio State has looked a little better, and Michigan State has squeaked by mediocre opponents.

Michigan already beat Penn State, so they look like a safe pick. They should be able to coast until November 3, when they go to East Lansing. Then they host Wisconsin (11/10) and travel to the Horseshoe of Buckeye Stadium (11/17). Lloyd Carr could yet save his job.

C-USA: Southern Mississippi or Central Florida could win the East, while Houston or Tulsa could win the West. I bet Houston will win the whole shebang. Not that it means much.

MAC: Buffalo (Bowling Green) for the East, Central Michigan (Ball State) for the West. Central Michigan overall.

MWC: BYU (UNLV). I’m getting tired of evaluating these second-tier conferences.

Pac-10: I’m gonna go against what I know will happen and pick Oregon. They crushed Michigan and took care of their other opponents to date. You probably expected me to pick USC like the rest of the sports media (is it presumptious to place myself in that company?).

Before you pounce all over me like a bunch of things that pounce, take a look at the Trojans’ schedule. They have to travel to Oregon (10/27), California (11/10), and Arizona State (11/22). They are basically unstoppable in the Coliseum, but they don’t fare so well on the road. The Ducks travel to Washington, Arizona, and UCLA. I don’t see any stumbling blocks among that bunch.

SEC: Despite LSU’s offensive struggles against South Carolina, the West is still fairly clear. The Tiger defense will help Les Miles survive Florida (10/6), Kentucky (10/13), Auburn (10/20), Alabama (11/3), and Arkansas (11/23). (Of course, Auburn and Florida are the only teams that will pose a threat to the Tiger offense.)

In the East, Florida just tripped against Ole Miss. The Gators have to go to LSU (10/6), Kentucky (10/20), and Georgia (10/27) back-to-back-to-back. Then they get a week off (play Vanderbilt) before going to South Carolina (11/10). I guess Kentucky could be a dark horse; Woodson went crazy against Louisville and Arkansas, and the Wildcats have a favorable schedule. My guess is Florida will pull it together, though.

Regardless, LSU will win the conference on their way to their national championship embarrassment of USC (can you tell how much faith I have in my Oregon prediction?).

Sun Belt: Troy posted points against Florida and Arkansas and beat Oklahoma State. If they don’t win this conference, something is wrong. Florida Atlantic is the only other team I could offer. Analyzing the Sun Belt feels like such a waste of time, because it is.

WAC: Hawaii is the clear leader here, but Boise State could pull another “Cinderella” season (a cliche that should not be used outside of March Madness, although I just did that). The rest of this conference is trash. I can’t believe Hawaii gets a ranking out of this.

Well, this has been ridiculously long. See you guys next week!

Week Four

Auburn lost again, this time to perennial SEC underdog Mississippi State. Sadly, this was not an upset, either. There was one bright side to the game: after two interceptions in his first two passes, Brandon Cox was sidelined in favor of Kodi Burns, a true freshman. Here are the players’ stats from Saturday:
Cox, passing: 4/10 for 42 yards and 2 INTs
Cox, rushing: -2 yards on 2 attempts
Burns, passing: 8/12 for 65 yards and 1 INT
Burns, rushing: 87 yards on 22 attempts
Based on those numbers, which one do you think should be Auburn’s starting quarterback? I don’t think Burns is going to fix our problems by himself. I doubt he’s ready for the pressure of high-profile games, either. I do know this: Cox’s play should be regularly supplemented with Burns’.

Congratulations, Brandon Cox! You are no longer the undisputed starting quarterback!

In other news, USC trounced Nebraska 49-31. Somehow this victory was enough to preserve the Trojans’ precious No. 1 ranking in both major polls. Meanwhile, LSU posted a measly 44 points on Middle Tennessee State, in addition to producing another shutout. Outscoring your opponents 137-7 in three games is somehow not good enough for a No. 1 ranking. Then there’s Oklahoma. 184-26? Ridiculous. Of course, the Sooner schedule has been a little easier so far.Florida followed close behind with a 59-20 spanking of Tennessee in Gainesville. LSU at Florida on October 6 (8 PM ET, CBS) is probably going to be the best game of the season (until the rematch at the SEC Championship). I’d be surprised if either team loses its division, barring some kind of miracle in Tuscaloosa. Alabama did beat Arkansas and supposedly looked good doing it. I didn’t watch the game after ‘Bama went up 21-0, because I thought it might send me into a severe depression. An Auburn loss with ‘Bammer and Trojan wins is more than my little heart can bear.

Tebow is so amazing that he can convince opposing teams to carry him into the end zone.

Finally, Michigan is not the worst team in the country. That honor goes to Notre Dame, who has opened 0-3 for the second time in school history. Both teams are poised to lose on national television this Saturday; the Irish host Michigan State (3:30 PM ET, NBC) and the Wolverines host Penn State (3:30 PM ET, ABC). The Nittany Lions have lost the last eight meetings. I know a few PSU fans, so I’m looking forward to the streak’s end.

“It’s not like it matters, anyway. We’re both going to get fired.”

Week Three

I apologize profusely for my tardiness. Schoolwork and girlfriend time got in the way of college football, and I beg forgiveness from all of you.
I think it is now safe to say that ‘Bama is back! After an impressive 52-6 clobbering of Western Carolina (2-9 in I-AA in 2006) and a noteworthy 24-10 shellacking of Vanderbilt (4-8 in I-A in 2006), the Tide is well on its way to an undefeated season and national championship under new head coach Nick “The Bear II” Saban. ‘Bama is about to roll through home games against Arkansas and Georgia before traveling to Jacksonville to take care of Florida State. Daggum!
Ha ha ha…I remember this.
The Pac-10 pulled a likely stunt Saturday when all of the six active teams in the conference won their games. I wish I could chalk it up to weak opponents, but only Washington State’s (San Diego State) was questionable. That and the domination of Tennessee by Cal just eat me up inside.
Surprise, surprise: Auburn is still an awful football team. The loss to South Florida would not have been less embarrassing had it been a win. Tiger tailback Mario Fannin fumbled on consecutive drives in Auburn territory. Receivers dropped passes, and defenders missed tackles. The defense looks slow. When we play a team that can run around the end, game over. The punting and punt coverage were even worse than last week.
My thoughts exactly.
And then there is Brandon Cox, who was so bad that he gets a paragraph all to himself. Cox was 16 of 35 passing with a pair of interceptions and a fumble on a quarterback sneak. (Let that sink in for a second.) He did run for near first down yardage once, but he looked hesitant doing it. Brandon Cox is at least 70% of the reason that Auburn will lose a lot of games this year. Now I know how a Florida State fan has felt in recent years.

Unfortunately, this is not worth any points.

I suppose it could have been worse. South Florida’s placekicker had a Vaughn-esque night, missing three of six attempts with another blocked. Had he made any of those, overtime would have been unnecessary. Speaking of overtime, Tuberville somehow decided that letting the clock run out with two timeouts was a better idea than trying to get downfield and kick a field goal to win. That was a little confusing.

Will Auburn make a bowl game? Who knows. Out of the ten games left, only New Mexico State and Tennessee Tech look like definite wins. Mississippi State, Ole Miss, Vanderbilt, Georgia, and Alabama are question marks. I’m not even going to hope for Florida, Arkansas, or LSU. In fact, I sold my ticket to the Swamp when I realized it wouldn’t be much fun to drive six hours to watch us get clobbered. At least we’re not…

Michigan, who was annihilated 39-7 in the Big House by Oregon. The Ducks made a mockery of Michigan’s secondary, and the Wolverine offense was anemic once more. Perhaps a win over Notre Dame on the 15th will help Lloyd Carr keep his employment hopes alive. It wouldn’t mean much, though; the Irish are 0-2 as well (this is the first time in history that both teams have had such poor starts).

Dear Michigan fans: This guy made your team look like a joke.


LSU looked phenomenal in their signature win over Virginia Tech. 48-7 is almost unbelievable. After a week off against Middle Tennessee State, Les Miles takes on Steve Spurrier. This will be the Tigers’ only test until they host Florida on October 6. Besides Alabama, all of LSU’s toughest games are at home. If there was ever a year to make a championship run, this would be it. Wouldn’t it be great if they had a chance to destroy USC?

Maybe the Gators will trip them up, though. Apparently quarterback Tim Tebow learned how to throw during the summer. He’s 31 of 46 so far, with 536 yards and six touchdowns. My only reservation is the defense, which looked iffy against a Troy squad that put up 31 points. I guess we’ll see what happens against Tennessee this weekend.

You should probably watch TV this weekend, because it is the best one so far. Like I mentioned, Florida hosts Tennessee (3:30 PM ET, CBS), Michigan hosts Notre Dame (3:30 PM ET, ABC), and Arkansas goes to Alabama (6:45 PM ET, ESPN). I think Ohio State at Washington (3:30 PM ET, ESPN) could be a thriller, as could Boston College at Georgia Tech (8 PM ET, ESPN2). Why is GameDay going to USC/Nebraska (8 PM ET, ABC) for the second year in a row? Beats me.

Finally, prepare yourself for another Florida throwdown as the Hurricanes host the Golden Panthers! Pre-fight football game at 3:30 PM ET, then the punches start flying at 7!

Week One

Most of this week’s games were mismatches of talent, but that didn’t stop a large portion of the major powers from struggling (or in one case falling flat on their faces). Penn State, Florida, Oklahoma, and West Virginia took care of business, but…

LSU 45, Mississippi State 0: The final score here is misleading. LSU scored 17 points off of four interceptions in the first half, the final touchdown coming as time expired. You’d expect more from a highly-touted SEC offense. Bulldog quarterback Michael Henig looked awful the entire night and literally threw away the hard work of his persistent defense. Mississippi State coach Sylvester Croom is still optimistic about his chances. Looking at his schedule, though, he would be lucky to win half of his games.

Virginia Tech 17, East Carolina 7: C’mon now. 17 points against a minor team from the Big East with a pirate as a mascot? 7 of which came from an interception-turned-touchdown? Pitiful. The Hokies travel to Baton Rouge next Saturday. I don’t think they’ll win.

Texas 21, Arkansas State 13: Two missed field goals, an interception in the end zone, and a penalty on a successful onside kick prevented Arkansas State from bringing down the Longhorns. Texas failed four straight attempts to score from the Indians’ three yard line. Their quarterback is still named Colt McCoy. He’s not VINCE YOUNG, but the name is still awesome.

Auburn 23, Kansas State 13: This was not the season opener I was expecting from my Tigers. Kansas State seemed to run the same short passing play once or twice every series, and Auburn did little to slow them down. The Wildcats even ran some double reverses for similar results. Auburn missed tackles all night, especially during kickoff coverage. To the credit of the defense, they did intercept Kansas State twice and forced one fumble for a touchdown. They missed two or three other interception opportunities, though.

These guys should never have had reason to celebrate.

Auburn’s offense had a disappointing showing as well. Brandon Cox looked a little better than last season. Despite an inexperienced line which gave him little time to settle down, Cox completed 17 of 30 passes for 229 yards. However, most of his completions were to receivers who were wide open and forced them to come back for the catch. It didn’t help that some of the passes which were on target were blatantly dropped (including one in the end zone).

Tuberville had better get to work before South Florida shows up next Saturday. This season could be a painful way to end my career in the student section of Jordan-Hare. At least the completely revamped kicking staff wasn’t a problem.

“Why are we so bad right now?” a distraught and incredulous Tuberville asks his team.

Appalachian State 34, Michigan 32: Ha ha ha…this is hilarious and unbelievable at the same time. No team from I-AA has beaten a ranked I-A oppenent since the divisions were created in 1978. In a poll on ESPN.com, 42% called this the greatest upset in college football history. I think I agree. It’s a shame this had to come at the beginning of the season, because everything else is going to pale in comparison.

28-14. Wolverine fans worldwide begin to fear.

I’ll spare you the recap. If you didn’t watch SportsCenter at all yesterday, this should get you up to speed. On a side note, some ASU students ripped a goal post out of their own stadium, which holds 85% less people than the Big House, and left it in the university chancellor’s driveway.


The action continues tomorrow as Florida State travels to Clemson (8 PM ET, ESPN). Saturday’s slate features some interesting interconference games, including:

West Virginia at Marshall (11:10 AM ET, ESPN),
Miami (FL) at Oklahoma (12 PM ET, ABC),
Nebraska at Wake Forest (12 PM ET, ESPN),
Oregon at Michigan (3:30 PM ET, ABC) (ha ha ha),
and Virginia Tech at LSU (9:15 PM ET, ESPN).

It looks like we’ll have to wait until week three for the major intraconference battles to begin. See you again next Sunday!

Also: I was wrong about Tennessee/California. Darn.