Last Sunday, this past weekend looked to be the worst of the 2006 college football season. Most of the games did little to buck that expectation. In fact, it may have been even worse than predicted. Texas and LSU were up a combined 58-14 at halftime on Iowa State and Tulane. The rest of the top ten struggled, often against mediocre to awful opponents. Here were some of this week’s halftime scores:

– #24 Penn State 3, #1 Ohio State 0. Ohio State’s defense finally picked off Nittany Lion QB Morelli to end the game late in the fourth quarter.
– #2 USC 3, Arizona 0. The final score was USC 20, Arizona 3. Didn’t ESPN say USC’s offense reloaded?
– #4 West Virginia 14, East Carolina 7. East Carolina’s mascot is a pirate. They have lost to Navy and UAB. Those facts alone show how silly this score looks.
– #5 Florida 12, Kentucky 7. Kentucky isn’t in Mississippi, but still…
– #6 Michigan 10, Wisconsin 10. This one isn’t that embarrassing, I guess.
– #8 Louisville 10, Kansas State 0. Kansas State beat Illinois State by one point to open their season.
– Colorado 13, #9 Georgia 0. Without two fourth-quarter touchdowns, Georgia would have lost to the Colorado team that lost to I-AA Montana State the first week of the season. If quarterback troubles continue in Athens, I don’t see Georgia beating Tennessee, Florida, Auburn, or Georgia Tech.
– #3 Auburn 10, Buffalo 0. Auburn did pull away to a 38-7 victory (well below my 117-0 prediction). However, Auburn’s defense, run and pass, looked anemic against Buffalo’s offense. This is Buffalo’s offense about which I am talking! I’m going to give myself an extra point for not ending the previous sentence with a preposition.

Speaking of extra points, I bet Alabama placekicker Leigh Tiffin wishes he could have the one I just gave myself after his performance on Saturday. He is shaping up to challenge John Vaughn for “Least Clutch SEC Placekicker.” Everyone says they feel sorry for these guys, but I’m not so sure we should. When a quarterback throws three interceptions in a game (see Drew Stanton against Notre Dame), no one cuts him slack. Why should we cut a kicker slack for missing three, four (see Tiffin against Arkansas), or five (see Vaughn against LSU in 2005) kicks that would have made the difference in the game?

On a random note, I wore my authentic Mexican sombrero to the Auburn/Buffalo game this weekend. I told people that if Auburn was going to schedule opponents as ridiculous as Buffalo, I was going to dress for the occasion. In addition to being hilarious, the sombrero provided some welcome shade from the blistering sun, which produced an 85-degree heat wave in Jordan-Hare. I’m not sure if the people behind me appreciated it as much as I did.

Thankfully, some tidbits of college football news offered hope rather than leaving question marks. Florida State destroyed Rice 55-7. Mississipi State finally won a game, beating UAB 16-10 in overtime. Actually, I guess that was all the hope I saw in the scores. I’m proud to say that Laura watched most, if not all, of the Michigan State/Notre Dame game. I am only sorry that the Spartans could not hold on to the ball long enough to pull off the “upset” for her.

Next weekend looks to be a slight improvement over the previous one, although that isn’t very hard to accomplish. #3 Auburn goes to South Carolina Thursday night (7:30 PM ET, ESPN). On Saturday, #5 Florida hosts Alabama (3:30 PM ET, CBS). Both should be closer games than the rankings would indicate. Georgia Tech visits Virginia Tech (3:30 PM ET, ABC), and Ohio State goes to Iowa (8 PM ET, ABC). I’m looking forward to both of these games but for different reasons. The first might decide the ACC Coastal Division champion, while the second is another chance for Ohio State to lose. Go Hawkeyes!

This morning, my roommate and I watched SportsCenter. Lou Holtz and Mark May both had the audacity to claim that USC is the second-best college football team in the nation (Ohio State being the first). While Mark May gave Auburn credit as the third-best team, Lou Holtz didn’t even seem to have Auburn in his top five. He was very critical of their offensive production against LSU. ESPN always touts LSU as having one of the best defenses in the country, and rightfully so. The Tigers have held nearly all of their opponents in recent years to low scores (see the 2006 Peach Bowl). This in mind, how can they fault Auburn for only putting up 180-something yards against LSU?

In additon, they touted USC’s schedule as something difficult. Cal was dominated by Tennessee, who lost to Florida by one point. If Auburn beats Florida and USC beats Cal, which team has more proved their dominance? Also, one of the sportscasters made the claim that USC would play more ranked teams by the end of the year. In that time, Auburn will have played LSU, Florida, Georgia, and Alabama away. USC will have played Cal, Arizona State, and Notre Dame at home. I’ll give them Notre Dame, but that still doesn’t compare to our lineup. Sure, their nonconference schedule is tougher than ours, but is there really that much of a difference between playing Arkansas and Nebraska and Washington State and Tulane? Is there much of a difference between Arizona and Buffalo? Not enough of one to rank USC above Auburn.

Speaking of Buffalo, I’m predicting a 117-0 victory for the Tigers over the Bulls. I’m sporting my sombrero to the game, due to the ridiculous nature of our scheduling such an opponent. Tune in Sunday to see if Laura watched any of the Notre Dame vs. Michigan State game and to read more griping about USC’s place of privilege with the voters.

First, let me thank Nick for inviting me to share my misinformed thoughts on college football this season. Hopefully, I will at least give people something to laugh about (my commentary, that is). I guess I’ll start this week’s post by discussing the only game I actually watched: LSU at Auburn.

I arrived at Jordan-Hare Stadium around 10:30 AM CT, four hours before kickoff. The general vibe of the students outside the gates was optimistic nervousness. By 2:10 PM, pregame festivities had begun. The eagle who flies before each Auburn home football game did about three full laps around the student section, which I took as an omen from God that Auburn would win the game.

The game was pretty lacking as far as offensive excitement. Early in the first half, John Vaughn channeled himself from last year’s LSU game, hitting the left upright with a crappily-kicked football. Apparently, Vaughn is no longer in the good graces of Damon Duval, Auburn place-kicking demigod from years past. LSU called a timeout with seconds left and kicked a field goal to end the half 3-0. All was silent and apprehensive in Jordan-Hare.

During halftime, an interview of Tre’ Smith was shown on the big screen. For those of you who don’t know, Tre’ Smith is the white running back who beat Alabama three years ago and has done little since. In fact, Tre’ Smith’s sole mission on the Auburn football team last year appeared to be fumbling the ball and/or failing to make positive yardage on punt returns. During this year’s Washington State game, Tommy Tuberville gave Tre’ three consecutive downs to punch the football into the end zone. When Smith failed, Tuberville regained his senses and sent in Brad Lester to score on fourth down.

Anyway, one of the questions Tre’ answered in the interview was what three things he would bring with him if he were trapped on an island. Tre”s response was, “A helicopter, some fuel…and a trillion dollars.” Initially, I wondered, “What are you going to do with a trillion dollars on a deserted island?” Then, I realized the genius of it. You could fly the helicopter to land and spend the money on things! What kind of question is that, anyhow? If you were going to a deserted island with the knowledge that you would be stranded, of course you would bring things that would help you escape.

Apparently, Mississippi State isn’t the only school with hidden water fountains. I had some trouble finding them in Jordan-Hare this weekend, due to the incredible lines at the concession stands blocking all visibility. My friend Josh and I had to ask a policeman, who kindly pointed us towards some dispensers of lukewarm dihydrogen monoxide. There is nothing like tepid water to wash down contraband PBJs snuck into the stadium in one’s pockets.

Somewheres in the second half, the Auburn offense made their way down the field, and Brandon Cox thrust forward on a third-and-one for the touchdown. John Vaughn made the only kick necessary for Auburn to win (an extra point), because LSU was unable to score the needed touchdown in the fourth quarter. Even though Auburn’s secondary looked like Swiss cheese, JaMarcus Russell couldn’t put the ball in the end zone. It was pretty exciting when the clock finally read 0.00. I think I hugged two or three people in the frenzy.

Elsewhere in the nation, Notre Dame was destroyed by Michigan, ending another potential media favorite. As much as I detest the media’s obsession with USC, I think it would be even worse if they also fell in love with another overhyped school. Speaking of USC, Auburn is still significantly behind them in the coaches’ poll and barely ahead in the AP poll. Something is wrong with these voters. They seem to think beating a team that used to be good (Nebraska) by 18 points is better than beating a team that is currently good (LSU) by 4. They might be right, but I’m still going to be bitter about it.

Does anyone know what is up with Florida State or Miami? Both teams have fallen pretty far (though not as far as the aforementioned Nebraska). And the Mississippis are an embarrassment to the SEC. Mississippi State couldn’t even beat Tulane, despite scoring their first 29 points of the season. Ole Miss lost to Kentucky. That’s right, Kentucky. It looks like the SEC West has turned into the former SEC East, where only two teams are good.

Next week’s matchups are looking pretty lackluster. The only one I might watch is Penn State at Ohio State. An upset there would put Auburn squarely in the national title picture, assuming they win their next ten games (quite an assumption). Alabama goes to Arkansas to see if they (by “they”, I mean either team) can regain some dignity in the SEC. It’s now three weeks until Auburn plays Florida. Here’s hoping I can make it that far without going crazy.

Oh, one more bit of news. My girlfriend Laura watched most of the second half of the Michigan State/Pittsburgh game, which her school (MSU) won. I’m so proud! Tune in next week to see if she watched the Fighting Irish come to Spartan Stadium (or, better yet, if she attended the game in person)!

College football is going to be amazing this weekend. Here are seven reasons why (all times Eastern)

1. Michigan at Notre Dame (3:30 PM, NBC): Will Notre Dame falter this week, or wait until sometime later in the season? I wish they wouldn’t wait, but something inside of me is telling me they will. I think it’s the same something that made me doubt every time USC was down at the half last year.

2. Nebraska at USC (8:00 PM, ABC): Is Nebraska really back? My guess is no. This will be yet another chance for the media to tout how wonderful John David Booty/Pete Carroll are at what they do. Of course USC is still the best team of all time; do not question their superiority!

3. Oklahoma at Oregon (3:30 PM, ABC): Some kinda middle-of-the-pack Top 25 showdown! I’m don’t think this game actually matters, but if I were going to be home and it was on TV, I would probably watch it.

4. Miami at Louisville (3:30 PM, ABC): Miami sometimes falters against big teams (see FSU), while Louisville is usually solid against a terrible schedule (see Louisville’s schedule). A great “defense vs. offense” matchup, maybe.

5. Florida at Tennessee (8:00 PM, CBS): Rocky Top is about to get rocked, but this time by a team from a respectable conference. Seriously, what self-respecting SEC team almost loses to a service academy?

6. LSU at Auburn (3:30 PM, CBS): The SEC West has been decided by this game five of the last six years. The home team has won all six of those meetings. Since the game is in Auburn, and John Vaughn learned how to kick this summer, I’m gonna pick the Tigers (non-Bengal variety).

7. Michigan State at Pittsburgh (12:00 PM, ESPN2): The marquee matchup of the weekend? Hardly. What has me interested in this game is whether or not my girlfriend will watch any of it. Only time will tell whether she does or not.