As usual, all times Eastern and all predictions wrong.

Noon:

• North Carolina State @ Clemson (ABC): Clemson still seems like a fully functional battle-station, so I’m taking them here.
• Kansas State @ Oklahoma (ESPN): The Big 12 is just a mess right now, and in so many ways. On-the-field, off-the-field, it doesn’t matter. And while it would seem pretty Big 12 for Oklahoma to drop this game after knocking off Texas, well, I don’t see it.
• Iowa @ Purdue (ESPN2): There’s not much that would make Kirk Ferentz’s extension more ridiculous at this point, so… go Boilermakers!
• West Virginia @ Texas Tech (FS1): I suspect the defense is going to let down the Red Raiders once again. By the day, did you know West Virginia is still undefeated? I don’t know how much longer it’ll last, but yeah, they’re currently 4-0.
• Minnesota @ Maryland (ESPNU): I still don’t know how to cope with the idea that Maryland isn’t completely terrible. In fact, I’ll pick them over the Golden Gophers.
• Illinois @ Rutgers (ESPNEWS): Illinois is bad, but… yeah.
• Vanderbilt @ Georgia (SEC): While obviously the most hilarious outcome would be for Vandy to win, well… I don’t see it. I just don’t.

12:30:

• Pittsburgh @ Virginia (ACC): Virginia is 2-3 overall, but they’ve been surprisingly not awful? I don’t think they’re good enough to beat this Pitt team, but still.
• Georgia Southern @ Georgia Tech (ACC/RSN): We could have won the Pitt game. We probably even should have! But even while watching, I never got the sense we were much better than them. I think the sequence that I disliked the most was probably after they committed a couple of penalties and faced 1st and 35. Three quick passes later, and it was a Pitt first down. I can’t think of any better indictment of Ted Roof’s defense.

3:30:

• Alabama @ Tennessee (CBS): It is actually the third Saturday in October! Tennessee is still one of the most inherently unstable teams in college football, but you really need a lot more than just luck to beat Bama.
• Southern California @ Arizona (FOX): USC looked suddenly competent last week, so sure, let’s go with the Trojans.
• North Carolina @ Miami (ABC/ESPN2): Both these teams are good, but I think Miami has at least as much defensive talent as Virginia Tech, and they completely shut down Carolina last weekend. That said, the issue with many past Miami teams has been one of attitude, so we’ll see what Richt’s effect is after last week’s heartbreaking loss to FSU.
• Nebraska @ Indiana (ABC/ESPN2): Did you notice Nebraska is 5-0? I hadn’t either until I was writing this. Regardless, while I think this is definitely a game Indiana team, I’ll go with the Huskers.
• Wake Forest @ Florida State (ESPN): While this is the tenth anniversary of one of Wake’s upsets of FSU, it’s basically impossible to pick a repeat.
• Kansas @ Baylor (FS1): Baylor.
• New Mexico vs. Air Force (@Dallas, TX; ESPNEWS): Air Force.
• Northwestern @ Michigan State (BTN): So… uh, Michigan State is really not good this year, huh? Northwestern, as odd as that feels.
• Western Michigan @ Akron (CBSS): ROW THAT BOAT (to P.J. Fleck’s new job this offseason).

3:45: Virginia Tech @ Syracuse (ESPNU): VPI.

4:00:

• Missouri @ Florida (SEC): We’ll get to it in a month, but that LSU-Florida game did wind up getting rescheduled. For this game, well, Mizzou is just too offensively challenged to really pick them for an upset.
• Utah @ Oregon State (Pac12): I’m still dealing with the idea that Oregon State is probably better than Oregon this year, so at least let me pick the Utes here and be done with it.

7:00:

• Mississippi @ Arkansas (ESPN): Arkansas started hot, but suddenly they’re 0-2 in conference play. It’s still mid-October, and they still have a chance to impact in November, but right now, it’s not looking that good.
• Tulsa @ Houston (ESPN2): It seems almost like the pressure got to the Cougars, and I suspect ESPN is regretting this pick after they lost to Navy last weekend. Regardless, Houston is still really good and still a massive favorite in most of their remaining games.
• Connecticut @ South Florida (CBSS): USF might be kinda good?
• Texas-San Antonio @ Rice (beIN): Unlike, you know, either of these teams. But hey, you probably get beIN Sports, so it’s my duty to list it. Uh, going with the Roadrunners.

7:30:

• Southern Mississippi @ Louisiana State (SEC): While Southern Miss did beat Kentucky, they’ve also already lost to Troy and UT-San Antonio. So yeah, I’m not going to go crazy with picking them against LSU.
• Stanford @ Notre Dame (NBC): Uh… yeah. Neither of these teams can move the ball. Christian McCaffety is hurt and may not play. Notre Dame’s coach may be a terrible human being. I have no idea why you would watch this game. I’m going to pick Stanford on general principal.
• Temple @ Central Florida (ESPNU): It seems as though UCF is slight better and they’re at home.

8:00:

• Ohio State @ Wisconsin (ABC): I don’t put a lot of stock on lines, but the line on this game is Ohio State by 10. Now let us consider that Michigan beat the Badgers at home 14-7. Let us also consider that Michigan just went out and demolished Rutgers by about 20 more points than the Buckeyes did. Put these things together, and Ohio State may be out to prove a point.
• Arizona State @ Colorado (Pac12): If the Buffs can win this one, I’ll be ready to believe. But not quite yet.

10:15: Colorado State @ Boise State (ESPN): Boise’s back, y’all.

10:30:

• California-Los Angeles @ Washington State (ESPN2): Yep, it’s pretty much going according to plan for Wazzou. After having disrupted the Pac-12 North race, which could very well come down to the Apple Cup (?!??!), it’s their chance to really make the South a mess. And they might well do so!
• Nevada @ San Jose State (CBSS): Provided the Wolfpack can find their way to San Jose, I don’t think they’ll have any other trouble.

I have to confess, y’all: when I was walking home tonight, I considered doing these picks all rapid-fire like in the form of a video. But then I considered that for the video to be anything other than me drunkenly rambling off attributes of college football teams, I’d actually need to some preparation, which, well, would probably have wound taking as long as it normally does to write this, if not longer. So!

As usual, all times Eastern and all predictions wrong.

Saturday

11:30: Cincinnati @ Connecticut (CBSS): Wake up early for this battle of the… two teams at the basement of the AAC East division? Okay, maybe don’t. Also going with Cincy.

Noon:

• Notre Dame @ North Carolina State (ABC): The Wolfpack are 3-1, but, well, even at 2-3 the Domers are their stiffest test of the year thus far. Also not helping the ‘Pack is that Notre Dame was rejuvenated last week against Syracuse, to to the tune of scoring 50. So I’m going with them.
• Louisiana State @ Florida Auburn @ Mississippi State (ESPN): This game slides up from the SEC Network slot and, in some ways, this is might be Fired Bowl II. Dan Mullen is not exactly having a very good go of it this year, and unlike his counterpart across the field this year, he did not beat LSU. In addition, Miss State only beat UMass by 8 last week. Oof. I think Auburn’s going to win this one, which might make Gus Malzahn some sort of Southern grim reaper.
• Iowa @ Minnesota (ESPN2): The only appropriate scenario for this game is for Kirk Ferentz’s contract to become more of a joke, so yeah, Minnesota’s going to win.
• Texas vs. Oklahoma (@Dallas, TX; FS1): I have no idea what to say about this game, other than that since Oklahoma a) blew it last year and b) is kinda not having a great season this year means that they’ll defy expectations and win by 40. That will also make the “we don’t fire coaches mid-season” thing even more uncomfortable down in Austin.
• Texas Christian @ Kansas (ESPNU): TCU.
• East Carolina @ South Florida (ESPNEWS): USF.
• Maryland @ Pennsylvania State (BTN): I’m not sure I’m prepared for a universe where Maryland doesn’t suck, but I’m pretty okay with one where they beat Penn State.

12:30: Georgia Tech @ Pittsburgh (ACC): Elsewhere in Pennsylvania, Georgia Tech will play at Heinz Field to take on the Pittsburgh Panthers.
Okay, so there’s a lot of ways to approach this game. This team’s got issues, but quitting isn’t one of them, at least. Frankly, I think Miami is getting way too much of a pass for basically winning on a pair of defensive touchdowns. Of course, while that was pretty much the worst possible outcome on those pairs of plays, it’s not like the offensive line covered themselves in glory in valiant effort to prevent Justin Thomas from getting blindsided on the first one, so yeah. It wasn’t a good look! Yet, this team is still better than last year’s version. Are they good enough to beat an improved Pitt team that has, by all indications, a pretty good run defense? We’re about to find out!

3:00: Houston @ Navy (CBSS): This vintage of Navy isn’t good enough to really challenge Houston, but this one contains a very slight chance it could be entertaining as hell. It’s probably the most interesting game the Cougars will play until they play Louisville next month.

3:30:

• Tennessee @ Texas A&M (CBS): Don’t look, but TAMU is very quietly 3-0 in the SEC, with their strongest effort being the time they pulled away from Arkansas in the second half. Their other two SEC wins are less impressive, but they’re still good. My hunch is that this were the luck runs out for the Vols.
• Virginia Tech @ North Carolina (ABC/ESPN2): It’s the first reverse split of the year! Woo! Anyway, enough geeking out about TV coverage, let’s talk this important battle in the ACC Coastal. Carolina still can’t defend anyone, but it’s cool because they’ve still got an offense to match. We’ve still only got early returns in so far, but it looks like VPI is also offensively competent for the first time in, well, awhile. Still going with UNC until I get a better feel for what’s going in in Blacksburg.
• Brigham Young @ Michigan State (ABC/ESPN2): Losing by a combined score of 54-27 to Wisconsin and Indiana is not the brand of football I generally associated with Michigan State, but here we are. Fortunately for them, BYU has been slightly more challenged against defenses that have a pulse, so this should work out slightly better for them.
• Indiana @ Ohio State (ESPN): “Hey so Indiana beat Michigan State last week, maybe they can—” No, just stop right there.
• Iowa State @ Oklahoma State (ESPNU): Iowa State is still kinda bad, so there at least some constants in this world.
• Purdue @ Illinois (BTN): Well, this definitely isn’t the game that will make me complain that Comcast doesn’t carry the Big Ten Network in HD here. Uh, Illinois I guess?
• Army @ Duke (ACC/RSN): Things looked to be going well for Army with a legitimate chance at getting to 6 wins, but then they lost to Buffalo. They’re currently 3-1 and they play two FCS teams, so only one of them will count. So that’s probably 4-1. From there, they need to beat two out of Duke, North Texas, Wake Forest, Air Force, Notre Dame, and Navy. The only win I see on there is UNT, so yeah, it’s an uphill battle now.

4:00:

• Vanderbilt @ Kentucky (SEC): Seriously, move Alabama and Auburn to the East and Kentucky or Vandy to the West. No one will notice this game doesn’t get played all that often as a result. I promise. In the meantime, uh, well, maybe a Vandy will finally put Mark Stoops out of his misery?
• Colorado @ Southern California (Pac12): I think Colorado being “back” is going to be pretty short-lived, as it appears that yeah, Oregon just is that bad. The Trojans meanwhile managed to get the ship to stop listing as much with a pretty resounding win over Arizona State, which is a trend that I think will continue here.

6:30: Northern Illinois @ Western Michigan (CBSS): PJ Fleck continues rowing to a once-in-a-lifetime payday.

7:00:

• Alabama @ Arkansas (ESPN): The conventional wisdom in college football is that when a team is known for doing something really well, you don’t try to beat them at their own game. This often takes the form of a phase like “you’re not going to out-Alabama Alabama”. Often cited exampled are when Michigan State played Alabama in a bowl game a couple years ago, where they, well, failed to out-Alabama Alabama despite trying very hard to to do so. On the flip, this occasionally works, such as last weekend when Washington announced to the nation the Huskies are for real by out-Stanfording Stanford. I have a feeling, though, that will prove out to be the exception that proves the rule.
• Michigan @ Rutgers (ESPN2): Name your score, Wolverines.
• Texas Tech @ Kansas State (ESPNU): I just don’t see how K-State can score enough points to win this game.
• Syracuse @ Wake Forest (ACC/RSN): I can’t believe I’m about to type this, but here we are: I’m picking Wake Forest.

7:30: Washington @ Oregon (FOX): So, yeah, I’m going to guess this isn’t quite what FOX signed up for when they picked this game. This figures to be a national coming out party for UDub, and whatever the opposite of that is for the Ducks.

8:00: Florida State @ Miami (ABC): Speaking of proving a point, the ‘Canes will look to do that here against what looks like a shadow of the FSU teams of the past few years. This FSU team is still good, don’t get me wrong, but they’re not one of the best two teams in the ACC right now, and after this game, they probably won’t even be in the top three.

9:00: California @ Oregon State (Pac12): Well, Oregon has this last least: they are not nearly as catastrophically bad as Oregon State is right now. I’m not sure the Beavers are going to win a game, but they’re playing Cal this week, so the Bears will either win 60-3 or lose 12-9, who knows. While I’m here, let’s all enjoy a private moment and chuckle about the fact Cal won their game against Utah last week on a goal line stand.

10:00:

• Arizona @ Utah (FS1): Speaking of Da U(tes), their inability to score on Cal’s defense aside, I think they’re still a better team than Arizona.
• Utah State @ Colorado State (CBSS): Uh, Aggies, I guess? The bottom of the Mountain West looks pretty brutal this year, y’all.

10:30:

• Washington State @ Stanford (ESPN): If you’re wondering why all of a sudden people are starting to stick a fork in Oregon, it’s because they played Wazzou last weekend and it was bad. Washington State, a team that pretty much only runs to set up the pass, rushed for 280 yards of offense. Don’t worry though, they still threw the ball 48 times for 371 yards and won 51-33. Yeah. Naturally, this of course means things are pretty much going to plan for the Cougars: lose to an FCS team, then reel off a respectable conference run and make a bowl game. All that said, and despite what happened to Stanford last week, yeah, Stanford’s still going to win.
• California-Los Angeles @ Arizona State (ESPN2): It’s UCLA’s turn with the Sun Devils, and think the results will be pretty similar to what their cross-town rivals did.
• Nevada-Las Vegas @ San Diego State (ESPNU): SDSU is probably going to make the Mountain West title game, so naturally they were last seen two weeks ago losing by 18 to South Alabama. Whoops. They should be able to take care of business here though.

Sunday

2:30: Georgia @ South Carolina (SEC): 10 years ago I probably would’ve recommended watching this game over the NFL, but, well, we’ve got the Red Zone channel these days and the NFL really has gotten more interesting as they’ve cribbed offensive ideas from college and there’s really no reason to subject yourself to Big Dumb Will Muschamp Football. At any rate, Georgia should be able to get over what happened last week pretty quickly.

As usual, all times Eastern and all predictions wrong.

Noon:

• Texas @ Oklahoma State (ABC): Texas and Georgia are still ranked, thus proving the worthlessness of rankings at any point before mid-October, at best. At any rate, Texas will roll into Stillwater to face an Oklahoma State team that is somehow both better than I thought and worse at the same time. This is also Texas’s first game since the debacle in Berkeley, and struggling to say whether that performance was just a product of the pressure that Cal’s offense places on teams or that Texas’s defense just isn’t good. This week, at least, I’m going with the former.
• Notre Dame vs. Syracuse (@East Rutherford, NJ; ESPN): Yes, the Domers lost to Duke last weekend, and this isn’t a “pretty good” Duke team like in the past few years. Nonetheless, I don’t think they’ll have any issues with Syracuse. If they do, I’d say Brian Kelly’s days are numbered, if they aren’t already.
• Miami @ Georgia Tech (ESPN2): So, uh, as it turns out, Clemson is a pretty good football team. Miami probably is, too, but we’re the first real opponent they’ve played this season. There’s some reason to believe we won’t be whipped as thoroughly, but if we really want to make anything of this season, it’s gotta happen Saturday.
• Baylor @ Iowa State (FS1): Baylor.
• Northwestern @ Iowa (ESPNU): One thing both these teams have in common: losses to FCS teams! Iowa still actually plays defense, though, so they’ll probably win.
• Southern Methodist @ Temple (ESPNEWS): Temple?
• Florida @ Vanderbilt (SEC): The other SEC team from Tennessee might have some frustrations taken out on it here.
• Rutgers @ Ohio State (BTN): Ohio State.
• Central Florida @ East Carolina (CBSS): UCF is better this year, yes, but are they better enough? I’m still leaning toward no.

12:30: Virginia @ Duke (ACC): I know I said Duke isn’t that good this year, but hey, Brono Mendenhall, what’s going in Charlottesville? I’ll take Duke here.

3:30:

• Tennessee @ Georgia (CBS): These teams are coming at this game from totally different angles. Tennessee is ebullient after finally taking down Florida. Georgia is, well, whatever the opposite of “ebullient” is after getting thoroughly trashed by Ole Miss. The thing is, I didn’t think Georgia was that good anyway, so I’m going with the Vols to keep it up.
• Wisconsin @ Michigan (ABC): Boy howdy, Wisconsin sure did a thing to Sparty last weekend, huh? I don’t think this Michigan team will be caught so unawares, though.
• North Carolina @ Florida State (ESPN): In order to say relevant as anything other than a spoiler in the ACC, FSU needs this game. Technically, that will be true, of, well, any of their conference games, but Carolina figures to be one of their three toughest remaining tests (along with Miami and Clemson). If they fail here, that’s that for the ‘Noles this year. I think they’ll pass.
• Illinois @ Nebraska (ESPN2): Nebraska, probably?
• Kansas State @ West Virginia (ESNPU): West Virginia hasn’t really looked very good so far this year. I have my reservations about K-State, but I’ll pick them here and then we can re-evaluate these teams next weekend.
• Louisiana-Monroe @ Auburn (SEC): Okay, so, we joked about the Fired Bowl last weekend, but as it turns out, well, someone got fired, and it wasn’t Gus Malzahn. I nearly suffixed that sentence with a “…yet”, though. I don’t think this Monroe team is good enough to win or anything, but somehow, it wouldn’t surprise me.
• Minnesota @ Pennsylvania State (BTN): I’m going to have to go with the Golden Gophers here.
• Navy @ Air Force (CBSS): Both the academies here are undefeated so far this year, so the first round of the Command-in-Chief’s trophy will knock someone from those ranks. The question is, of course, who? It’ll be fun, but I’m going with the Falcons.
• Wake Forest @ North Carolina State (ACC/RSN): *looks up both teams, cringes, types in “Wake Forest?”* Wake Forest?

4:00: Texas A&M @ South Carolina (SEC): I didn’t see that coming last weekend, but is it possible the Aggies are actually good this year? If they can do what they did to Arkansas on any sort of consistent basis… oof. At any rate, the Gamecocks won’t be able to score enough.

5:00: Oklahoma @ Texas Christian (FOX): Oklahoma was supposed to be the class of the Big 12 this year, but their blowout loss to Ohio State mainly served to show how far behind the conference is. TCU comes in, seemingly having lost their way on defense, which must drive Gary Patterson nuts. I think this game could go either way, so I’m picking TCU, fulling expecting to be wrong.

6:00: Utah @ California (Pac12): Unstoppable force, meet immovable object. But unlike a lot of defense-focused teams, the Utes can score enough to keep up with the Bears, and it seems more likely Utah will come up with the stop or two they’ll need than Cal.

7:00:

• Kentucky @ Alabama (ESPN): Kentucky, just show up with 7 guys and say you don’t have enough people to play. Everyone will understand.
• Memphis @ Mississippi (ESPN2): As you may recall, last year Memphis completely disrupted Ole Miss’s playoff campaign. Justin Fuente parlayed that win (and others) into the Virginia Tech job, but as it turns out, the Tigers didn’t pull a Vandy are actually still kinda good. I still wouldn’t pick them to win this game, but this is going to be the game to watch in this timeslot, that’s for sure.
• South Florida @ Cincinnati (ESPNU):
• Western Michigan @ Central Michigan (CBSS): ROW THAT BOAT.
• Florida Atlantic @ Florida International (beIN): One of these teams is 1-3 and the other is 0-4. Should you watch this battle for second-tier Miami area supremacy? Probably not. But I’m here to tell you that you absolutely can. Also going with FAU.

7:30:

• Missouri @ Louisiana State (SEC): Well, on the one hand, DACOACHO is back in the ranks of college football coaching. Of course, the question after this if Ed Orgeron appears on your coaching staff, does that definitely mean that you’re on the hot seat? (Remember, his last gig before this was the interim coach at Southern Cal.) At any rate, I hope this stint is as successful for DACOACHO as his previous one, as I can’t think of any better match for this school and that man. And I’m picking them to win this one.
• Marshall @ Pittsburgh (ACC/RSN): Pitt.

8:00:

• Louisville @ Clemson (ABC): Drop everything and watch this game. With the night game in Death Valley, I don’t think the Cardinals are going to do to Clemson what they did to FSU. Also, Clemson’s defense, especially their defensive line, is just really good. I have no idea who is going to win, because I think both these teams are pretty good, but I’m giving a slight edge to Clemson, just because it’s at home.
• San Diego State @ South Alabama (ESPNEWS): Aztecs.
• Michigan State @ Indiana (BTN): Well, I didn’t see that coming. “That” being Michigan State’s kinda blowout loss to Wisconsin last weekend. But hey, Indiana is a pretty good chance to recover and get back on the right track, you know?

8:30: Arizona State @ Southern California (FOX): Speaking of places where Ed Orgeron was previously an interim coach, well, it looks like the Trojans are part of the way to having another interim. After all, who was it that got Lane Kiffin fired on the tarmac? Why, the Arizona Sun Devils, of course! That said, this game is at the Coliseum, so presumably they won’t have to drive over to LAX after they lose to fire Clay Helton.

9:30: Oregon @ Washington State (Pac12): Yeah, so I think the good old days are pretty much done for the ducks, but Wazzou provides a chance to make it look they aren’t.

10:15:

• Utah State @ Boise State (ESPN2): Boise enters with a pretty good chance to assert itself in the Mountain West, and I think they’ll take advantage.
• Wyoming @ Colorado State (ESPNU): Wyoming, because why not? I wish this were in Laramie, though, ’cause dem (ugly) uniforms.

10:30:

• Fresno State @ Nevada-Las Vegas (CBSS): Both of these teams are 1-3, but UNLV’s at least had less blowout losses, from a quick glance, so let’s go with them.
• Arizona @ California-Los Angeles (ESPN): #pac12afterdark! Seriously, it’s fun how much they folks out here have leaned into that hashtag. Both of these teams have been pretty inconsistent so far, but that’s just the way things go out here on the left coast sometimes. I’ll go with UCLA so I can get this thing wrapped up.