These Predictions are 100% Reliable

Alabama currently has six more Iron Bowl victories than Auburn. The Tigers have won five in a row and seven of the last ten, so they are clearly dominating the modern series. Let’s say that Auburn wins, on average, three out of every four matches in the next half century. In that case, they would close the gap by two wins every four years and pass Alabama’s win count around 2020. I’ll give them another ten and make it 2030, just in case the ‘Bammers decide to hire one of their secret clones of The Bear.

“Well,” you may be thinking, “It’s great to know that Auburn will eventually own the Iron Bowl series. When will Tommy Tuberville pass Bobby Bowden and Joe Paterno as the winningest coach in Division I-A college football history?” Tubbs has 95 wins right now, and JoePa, who will probably pass Bowden (364) in the next year or two, has 362. JoePa is already 79, but I can’t see him retiring until he is at least 90. By that time, Tuberville will be 63. Let’s assume for simplicity’s sake that the two coaches stay even until JoePa retires/dies.

If Tuberville loses more than four games in consecutive years, Auburn alumni would probably kick him out of office. That won’t happen, since Tuberville and Borges are a force that can only be stopped by inept defensive coordinators. Just to be safe, let’s say he only wins eight games a year for the rest of his career. In that case, Tuberville would need 34 years to pass Joe Paterno’s record. So when Tubbs is 97 in 2051, he’ll be the winningest coach ever with over 450 wins. I hope I’m alive to witness the achievement and yell “I told you so!” at passers-by.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.